Geezer McOld

I'm so old.

When I got home today, I had the same sensation I used to get being at Grandma's. It feels like home, but I still feel like a guest.

I go through a process of discovery every time I get back from school. I have a couple shoe boxes full of stuff in my closet and around my room with little things that I've forgotten about after being away for so long. It's like there's little presents all over just waiting to be remembered.

My favorite box is the one full of junk. Nostalgic junk. Like the tennis ball I used in the match against that girl that mooned my team when she lost. Or the atta-girls from camp that I got as a CIT. Or the jump rope I used during recess in elementary school. And a whole bunch of other stuff.

But what really got me was a picture in there of me. It was taken at camp when I was probably 14, maybe 15. My hair was a lot blonder, I was a little tanner, and I was really happy. I remember that period of my life, and I remember how happy I was with myself. I was getting really good grades in school. My home life was good. I really thought I was beautiful.

But I think what's weirdest of all is that I really appreciate how that part of my life is over. That girl in the picture? We're really not that different. I am really happy with myself right now. Everything I just said describes me now. But she's not me, and I'm not her. I felt like I was more looking at an old friend in that picture than I was looking at myself.

When I come home, I get reacquainted with myself, and I gain a lot of perspective on where I really am in life. It's so easy to forget when I'm three hours away and spending all my time focused on my future. But when I come home Siri is still here to greet me with purrs and my room is still the same it was when I left all those months before.

I'll go back to school in a couple days for RA training, get back to obsessing over the future and where I'm going, but for now I'm going to re-visit my childhood.

The Wisdom of Kanye West. No Really.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that I love Kanye West.

Okay maybe it does.

I love him in all kinds of ways. I actually really like his music, I like his personality (he actually has a good sense of humor! Can't count the times he's poked fun of himself on twitter), and I like all the dumb stuff he does in public. Makes him really entertaining. In a lovable, human sort of way.

He's also one of my favorite internet memes.

Recently he finally got a twitter. I have no idea why it took him so long. Some of the ridiculous stuff he says is super awesome. One day I tried to find my favorite tweet to make my status on facebook, but I couldn't do it. There were just too many.

Today, however, there may have been some actual wisdom he said. Or maybe he was just doing more insane rambling and I'm reading too much into it. Either way:

(from twitter.com/kanyewest)

I AGREE. I agree whole-heartedly! I agree so much I thought of actually replying to him to tell him how much I agree. But I didn't because come on, it's KANYE WEST. I am not worthy to tweet him.

Mistakes. Mistakes are what make us! No one is born perfect, knowing everything, capable of doing everything right the first time. We think we have to avoid mistakes but I challenge that! Go out and MAKE mistakes. Raise your hand. Give wrong answers. Break stuff. Do something stupid. Education will teach you a lot of stuff, but it can't teach you to be who you are meant to be. Only mistakes can do that.

This blog was, at first, kind of a terrifying idea. I'm a pretty private person most of the time. I don't trust easily (geez, how many times have I said that already?). I think carefully (most of the time) before I act. Now I want to just write stuff and put it out there on the INTERNET? It was like jumping off a building. I knew as soon as it was out there there was no turning back. But now that I've done it I feel so free. I'm not ashamed of what I think, and I've learned a lot from writing things that people disagreed with. I've changed my mind about some things. Maybe I've changed others' minds. It's been a learning experience. I've enjoyed learning with you guys!

There are still some things I'm afraid to write, still things I keep private, but oh goodness, when I finally work up the nerve I think it will be a breath of fresh air. For me. Maybe I'll just offend everyone else.

I've said stupid things. I've done stupid things. But most of my life I've been pretty straight and narrow. I don't know that I regret that, but I do respect people who put everything out on the line for the life they want to live. The people who drop everything and go and live in some two-bit apartment. Those people who literally live day by day. It's scary, but I bet it's exhilerating too. A mistake? Maybe. Do they learn a lot? No doubt about it.

So, Kanye West, being the kind of person who has made so many public mistakes I wouldn't even know where to begin, seems to at least understand the value of such experiences.

So go make some mistakes.

Pseudo Wish-List Wednesday!

No Wish-List Wednesday this week. Nothing has sparked my interest this week. You fail, internet. Except for this shirt, though:

Awesome. Edit: I had no idea how appropriate this shirt was going to be for today. Super exciting. Hooray!

Anyways, I'd like to take a moment to talk about people who change your life. This is on my mind a lot recently because this past Sunday, Camp Carefree started it's session for 2010. I was fortunate enough to attend as a camper, learn as a counselor-in-training, and learn even more as a counselor. Unfortunately, things did not work out this year so I could not go back. But I keep thinking back to all the adults who taught me to stand up for myself, do things for myself, push me out of my comfort level. I hope I was able to do that for some campers on some level. It's so important for a diabetic child to learn independence, it's so scary and so important. Even counselors whose names I don't remember, I remember what they did for me.

It's memories like that that keep me thinking that I want to be a teacher. I think I'd be good at it, and I think I'd like it. As someone who is pretty ambitious in her life, admitting to wanting to be a teacher can feel like a let down in some ways. Not exactly awesome pay, no guarantee you're going to really change any lives, you may even just be around a ton of smug young adults who have no interest in what you have essentially dedicated your life too. But despite all of that, somehow I still want to do it. Somehow all those great teachers I've had made me think it's still worth it. They must have done a pretty good job if they make a seemingly thankless job look fun.

I try to keep in touch with my teachers as much as possible, but it gets harder the more my roots settle here in Troy. Fortunately one of my favorite teachers, dear Mrs. Krones, is on facebook AND has a blog. Wooo!

On said blog she's having a giveaway. She's giving this away:

I guess in a way this is sort of turning in to a Wish-List Wednesday. Anyways, I really want this guy. So freaking adorable. If I win the giveaway, I get THREE. If I was more talented in the ways of crochet and knitting I'd totally want to make this. As it is I can knit a (mostly) straight line: a scarf! It's only impressive to people who have zero understanding of knitting.

One of the conditions of entering said giveaway is to link to the giveaway, so here's the post. And as a plug and encouragement for more people to read it: I really enjoy the blog, as someone who intends on having a happy family and successful career some day it's a good glimpse of what to expect.

(Also: mad kudos to me. Best transition EVER)

For The Lulz: An Evaluation

Hello dear readers, nothing profound to report at the moment (though I may put up a post later). Right now I want to talk to you about my little blog here, and how much I think it has grown.

It started off humble, though I tackled some pretty big topics early on (like the creation museum). I've really enjoyed practicing my writing above all else, something I don't get to do enough on this campus. I've vented and explored ideas that I've had. And I've made the occassional joke. I even stirred up some surprising controversy and discussion, which, all things said and done, was pretty cool.

I've pulled from some of my favorite blogs in terms of style and for inspiration. Those blogs, in case you're wondering: The Bloggess (even Erik enjoys her humor, so I feel confident most of you will too), Blag Hag, Cracked, Mike Rowe.

I got a counter for my little corner of the web last week, just curious to see what kind of traffic I'm getting. I expected to maybe get 50 hits within the week, but as of this writing I'm up to 158 (Full discretion: probably 20-ish hits of those are me). I won't exactly declare myself an internet celebrity, but this says to me that I've got a somewhat regular following! Which is more than I ever expected! Wooo!

You might be able to tell from the title (which was kind of a throw-away) that this blog is completely theme-less. I plan on keeping it that way because it allows me to write whatever the heck I feel like without betraying the readers in terms of expectation. However, like Wish-List Wednesday, there are regular sort of posts I've been thinking about doing. And I also considered changing the name to something more meaningfull and less....throw-away. I'd like to consult the potentially ten readers that I have (and maybe a few strangers that wander by) for their opinion regarding these matters.

But I get full veto power. So don't think you're going to be sending me to North Korea any time soon. :P

My themed, semi-regular post ideas:

-Why I don't like Nicolas Cage

-How to be a Total Asshole (And Get Away With It)

-The Voice of Our Generation: Kanye West Quotes

-A Look Into the Life of a Diabetic

-Things You'll Never See on Oprah but Totally Should

-More Series (Like Nomnomnom)

I'm putting up a poll on the site, so if you're viewing this through your google reader, please stop by and let me know what you think. Or make a new suggestion in the comments. A new poll for blog title ideas will be up when I think this poll is done. Which could be tomorrow or two months from now.

A God I Can Get Behind

Lately I've stumbled a lot of short stories about the meaning of life, God's true purpose, and what lies beyond death. They're very short and not all that deep, so I encourage everybody to check my favorites out: "Meeting God", "Talking to God" and "I don't know, Timmy, being God is a big responsibility."

I like the first two stories because of their emphasis on growth. I feel like religion all too often makes life feel stagnant. These are your rules, this is what you have to do and can't do to get in to heaven. You live your pious, and, for some people, boring life and then you spend an eternity with God. The end is the purpose. These stories, however, propose that the journey is the purpose. Our whole reason for being is to learn and grow.

"Meeting God" goes so far as to presume that humanity is one and literally interprets that harm to one person is harm to all. Which is a good argument for why we should not hurt each other.

"Talking to God" uses a stronger emphasis on evolution, saying it's our species that must learn. It's possible to create technology and not kill ourselves, we just have to hope that we can. It means we have to trust each other and learn to live with each other. We cannot use the technology for harm, but we still need to have the capability to do so. It was a great spin on technology and scientific advancements and the both negative and positives outcomes. Technology is always going to have bad along with good with new discoveries and inventions, but in order to progress as a society we need to learn to live with them.

"I don't know, Timmy, being God is a big responsibility" is much different from the first two. More scifi than ontological. But it did pose an interesting perspective on what our lives really may be.

I think stories like these are enjoyable, they give me an idea of God that I could get behind. There's a real purpose, and God, as an intellectual, is more relatable. He doesn't interfere in all the stupid aspects of our lives or stop bad things from happening because those parts are what make us who we are. It makes sense that it wouldn't be right for God to interfere with that. Our lives are not a means to an end, the whole purpose is the journey itself. It's a logical God. I totally support that.

Whose View is This. Seriously.

The View is just offensive now.

Joy Behar is the condescending liberal. She gets on her high horse and when she loses a fight it's some form of "Oh you just don't get it."

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is the token conservative, so that all the other women with similar traditional, often bigoted views can have their opinions heard.

Sherri Shepherd is just unintelligent. All you need to do is search "Sherri Shepherd" on youtube, and the list of videos is just mind-boggling. My personal favorite: "Is the world flat?"

Barbara Walters sits on that corner of the table and giggles to herself with evilness. She prods the fire and rarely actually adds her own opinion. While I appreciate the inclusion of Elizabeth as an attempt at some balence, at the same time it feels like Barbara is feeding the snakes with her.

I watched an episode the other day, Barbara was out and they had two guys on the show, Keith Olbermann and some other guy. I found myself agreeing with the guys all the time, and never with the women.

What kind of a view are they really trying to portray here, I have to wonder.

J.Lo is a Supermom.

I saw this picture on Perez Hilton and I just needed to say: Holy crap. Take your eyes off of Jennifer Lopez's amazing legs, and look at the big picture. This is generally what I picture when I think of a mom doing it all. She looks great, she's getting off an airplane, presumably traveling for work, and she's caring for her kid. In heels, no less! All at once.

Supermoms take all forms, of course. Supermoms can dress in sweatpants and stay at home. And I assume most supermoms don't have the time and/or money to hire a personal trainer to help them look this fabulous. This just happens to be the image I always have in my head, and it was so cool to see it in real life. Yay celebrities that aren't always drunk and addicted to crack!

If I were J.Lo, this would be my facebook profile pic.

go go gadget BLOG.

So. I'm starting a blog. I hate the word blog, it makes everyone who says it sound stupid and trendy (I'd link to maddox here but I guess his site is still on April Fool's mode?). But that's what this is! A blog!

Do I have a whole lot of things to say? I think so. I have lots of ideas like everyone else, and I find sometimes that my ideas are not expressed well by other people (read: Glenn Beck, angry feminists, religious sympathizers). I also think that I have a (somewhat) unique combination of beliefs, and my perspective may be interesting to, at the very least, people who are friends with me on facebook! You all like commenting on my statuses, and don't lie, I know some of you stalk but don't comment!

All those comments have led me to believe I'm interesting. Or at least that I link to interesting things on the internet.

Ultimately, this will give me an opportunity to express my opinions with more than a few sentences, and I like that. It's also a great outlet to get feedback on my opinions, and I like that too. It also might stop the spamming that I tend to do some days, which you will like.

Except the Kanye West quotes. Those will still be posted on facebook. Because he is super lulzy and I need everyone to know it. EVERYONE.