Saturday, May 22, 2010

Another One Bites the Dust

Another school year has come and gone. Another year older, another year of maturation. It is time for some reflection.

This school year has been a major breakthrough in my life. I grow and mature every year, of course, that's what people my age are supposed to do. However, this year has been different.

My classes were harder. Much harder. I had to face some realities that I knew were coming, just never knew when. I always told myself that happiness was the primary goal, but I was finally forced to put my money where my mouth was and live up to that ideal. Actively ensuring that I am happy, and finding out ways to be even happier. It's so weird that I never did this before, but now that I do I'm not going to stop.

My diabetes has become real. That sounds weird. You'd think this would have happened sometime BEFORE I've had it as long as I have. You'd think that this would happen the first day. But it didn't, not for me. Maybe it's all the very public deaths lately, some attributed to diabetes, some vaguely hinting it. Maybe it's that, after being a camp counselor to lots of little kids, looking up to me, I feel a responsibility to do it right. I don't know, but for once in my life I'm making a conscious effort everyday to do right by my body.

My relationship with Erik has really matured. This is probably due to both of us growing up a little bit, but I think I finally appreciate what it means to want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I'm not necessarily saying I have to marry Erik, just that I can truly understand the desire. Trusting someone enough to always be there and support you and help you through the crap in your life, it's incredibly powerful. Just getting that emotion has been a huge part of my maturation.

Since being in college, I've become very comfortable with who I am as a person. I really like myself, and, while I'm not perfect, think I'm pretty cool. However, I feel like lately I've become more confident in that reality. I'm more confident that others will see the same things in myself that I see. I've been branching out more, making more friends, developing old friendships further. These are things I used to never do. I was usually sitting in my dorm on Friday night wondering why everyone was out doing fun things except me. Feeling like I have friends that I really like, and like me for me, and there's no drama or strings attached, it's a feeling I never had before. I always felt like I missed the boat on friendship, and now I'm finally getting it.

I think, in summary, I'm finally getting the hype about life. I finally get why people think marriage is pretty sweet. I finally get why people like having friends. Life's pretty awesome, I concur.

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